“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
Nat King Cole
Love is a labyrinthine journey that each one of us embarks on. A timeless emotion, its varying degrees of passion and affection transform our lives in profound ways. The ancient Greeks, in their quest for wisdom and self-understanding, recognized the multifaceted nature of love and identified *eight unique types that we experience throughout our lives. Let’s take a journey through this labyrinth, exploring these different types of love and their deep impact on our lives.
Navigating the Labyrinth
‘Love Catalyst’ is the part of ourselves that enhances our experience with a particular type of love. For instance, self-love is catalyzed by the soul, while affectionate love is triggered by the mind. Keep this concept in your mind as we navigate the labyrinth of Greek love, allowing each catalyst to guide us through the various twists and turns of these diverse forms of affection.
1. Eros: The Flame of Passion
Named after the Greek god of love and fertility, Eros signifies romantic, sexual passion and desire. Often considered the first type of love, Eros is characterized by a “loss of control” through an intense form of desire. The Greeks saw Eros as a dangerous, fiery, and irrational form of love that could take hold of you and make you lose all semblance of rationality.
While Eros can be intoxicating and thrilling, it’s also a love that can burn bright and fast, often requiring its flame to be stoked with deeper forms of love to keep it alive. This primal form of love is centered around the physical body and the desire it incites. Romance, an aspect of Eros, is often confused with true love and the reason why so many relationships fail once it fades. You can keep it alive with some effort.
Nurturing Eros
To foster Eros in your relationship:
- Encourage romantic and physical expressions of love.
- Keep the flame alive with surprise dates and spontaneous acts of affection.
- Prioritize intimate time with your partner.
2. Philia: The Strength of Brother/Sisterhood
Philia, or friendship, represents a love that is considered stronger than Eros. This type of love pertains to deep comradery, brother/sisterhood, and heartfelt friendship. It’s the kind of love you feel for someone you have shared experiences with, someone you can trust, someone who knows you better than anyone else. They see and love you for who you are.
Unlike Eros, Philia is guided by our mind, making decisions after careful consideration of the needs of both parties in the relationship. This love is about deep mutual respect, understanding, and the balance between give and take.
Fostering Philia
To nurture Philia in your relationships:
- Invest time in deep, meaningful conversations with your friends.
- Be consistent and reliable, showing up for your friends when they need you most.
- Show loyalty and trustworthiness, allowing your friends to confide in you.
3. Storge: The Bond of Family
Storge is the Greek term for familial love. It signifies the deep affection that is born out of dependability, familiarity, and similarity. This type of love is often seen between parents and children or even among siblings.
Storge love is unconditional, accepting, and forgiving. It’s the love that doesn’t need constant validation and doesn’t change based on circumstances. This is the root of the maxim, “Blood is thicker than water.” This love is driven by our memories that are tied to people we are closely related to or have a deep affection for. We also have this kind of love for our pets or the nature that surrounds us.
Cultivating Storge
To foster Storge in your life:
- Prioritize spending quality time with your family, pets, and nature.
- Show love and appreciation for your family members regularly.
- Be forgiving and understanding during disagreements or conflicts.
4. Agape: Universal Love
Agape is the highest form of love. It is selfless, spiritual, and universal. It’s the love that accepts, forgives, and believes in our greater good. Agape is an unconditional love, independent of circumstances. It’s about loving everyone, even those who are difficult to love, without any expectation of reciprocation.
Our spirit is the catalyst for Agape love, driving us to love others in a selfless manner. This love is not about a physical act or being emotionally in love. It’s about a higher form of love that transcends all others. Most of us just have fleeting moments of this love, if at all. You will know when you are in the presence of someone who lives in this space, your heart will open.
Promoting Agape
To cultivate Agape in your life:
- Practice acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.
- Volunteer your time and resources for charitable causes.
- Develop empathy and understanding for others, regardless of their circumstances.
5. Ludus: The Playful Dance
Ludus represents the playful, uncommitted love that occurs in the early stages of a relationship, characterized by flirtation, teasing, and light-hearted fun. This type of love is the stage where you are not in deep love yet, but you’re enjoying the process of getting to know each other.
The playful interactions that occur in Ludus love are driven by our emotions. This love is about excitement, surprise, and the anticipation of what will happen next—the anticipation of romance for many.
Encouraging Ludus
To encourage Ludus in your relationships:
- Engage in playful activities and adventures with your partner.
- Keep the mood light and fun, focusing on creating memorable experiences.
- Make time for spontaneous dates and surprises in your relationship.
6. Pragma: Love That Endures
Pragma is the enduring love that develops between long-term couples. It’s about making compromises, showing patience, and tolerance to make the relationship work. Pragma is the mature, realistic love that is not only about feeling good but also about doing what is best for the other person. Pragma happens when two people work on their relationship after the romance fades away.
This love requires effort from both parties and a willingness to negotiate and make compromises. The catalyst for Pragma love is our subconscious, driving us towards commitment and shared goals.
Building Pragma
To build Pragma in your relationship:
- Show patience and understanding during disagreements.
- Make compromises for the good of the relationship.
- Continually work on strengthening your bond and deepening your understanding of each other.
7. Philautia: Nurturing Self-Love
Philautia is the love we give to ourselves. It’s about recognizing your self-worth and taking care of your own needs. This is not a narcissistic, self-obsessed kind of love. It’s about treating yourself with the same compassion and care that you would treat others.
The catalyst for Philautia love is the soul. It’s about acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being and understanding that you need to love yourself before you can love others. Care of yourself is the care of your soul.
Embracing Philautia
To embrace Philautia in your life:
- Prioritize self-care and ensure your needs are being met.
- Practice self-compassion and forgiveness.
- Spend time alone to understand and appreciate yourself.
8. Mania: Obsessive Love
Mania represents an obsessive or possessive love, a type of love that can lead to great highs and devastating lows. This love can create a sense of possessiveness and dependency that can easily lead to turmoil and anxiety in the relationship.
The survival instinct is the catalyst for Mania love, driving the person to feel an intense need for their partner. This love is often unbalanced and can become destructive if not kept in check. This love fuels those that feel jilted or unseen and take out their anger on those they ‘love.’
Balancing Mania
To balance Mania in your relationships:
- Cultivate a strong sense of self and independence.
- Communicate openly about your feelings and insecurities.
- Seek professional help if your love becomes obsessive or controlling.
Final Thoughts: Finding Your Perfect Love Blend
Each love type has a different catalyst and a unique love language, and understanding these can help you navigate the labyrinth of love more effectively. It is through understanding these different types of love and recognizing them in our relationships that we can enjoy a richer, deeper, and more fulfilling love life.
Whether it’s Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, Philautia, or Mania, every form of love has its own charm and significance. We often get ourselves in trouble attracted to someone looking for one kind of love, and they are looking for another. Explore each one and find your perfect love blend, then find the right connection for you! Because at the end of the day, love is indeed a many-splendored thing!
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
Lao Tzu
*Authors Note: Greek love has been identified by eight or seven types—and even sometimes four.
Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the calming meditations on the Breathe page. Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places? Share your thoughts by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is essential and valued.
Until next time, stay well out there and say yes to more love in your life.
With love, Gael
Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho
Oh, to just practice and live and love in agape’s shield.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.