Category: Love and intimacy

The Labyrinth of Love: Exploring the Spectrum of Human Connections

August 21, 2023 / Gael MacLean

Greek women discuss types of love — Image created by Author

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
Nat King Cole

Love is a labyrinthine journey that each one of us embarks on. A timeless emotion, its varying degrees of passion and affection transform our lives in profound ways. The ancient Greeks, in their quest for wisdom and self-understanding, recognized the multifaceted nature of love and identified *eight unique types that we experience throughout our lives. Let’s take a journey through this labyrinth, exploring these different types of love and their deep impact on our lives.

Navigating the Labyrinth

‘Love Catalyst’ is the part of ourselves that enhances our experience with a particular type of love. For instance, self-love is catalyzed by the soul, while affectionate love is triggered by the mind. Keep this concept in your mind as we navigate the labyrinth of Greek love, allowing each catalyst to guide us through the various twists and turns of these diverse forms of affection.

1. Eros: The Flame of Passion

Named after the Greek god of love and fertility, Eros signifies romantic, sexual passion and desire. Often considered the first type of love, Eros is characterized by a “loss of control” through an intense form of desire. The Greeks saw Eros as a dangerous, fiery, and irrational form of love that could take hold of you and make you lose all semblance of rationality.

While Eros can be intoxicating and thrilling, it’s also a love that can burn bright and fast, often requiring its flame to be stoked with deeper forms of love to keep it alive. This primal form of love is centered around the physical body and the desire it incites. Romance, an aspect of Eros, is often confused with true love and the reason why so many relationships fail once it fades. You can keep it alive with some effort.

Nurturing Eros

To foster Eros in your relationship:

Encourage romantic and physical expressions of love.
Keep the flame alive with surprise dates and spontaneous acts of affection.
Prioritize intimate time with your partner.

2. Philia: The Strength of Brother/Sisterhood

Philia, or friendship, represents a love that is considered stronger than Eros. This type of love pertains to deep comradery, brother/sisterhood, and heartfelt friendship. It’s the kind of love you feel for someone you have shared experiences with, someone you can trust, someone who knows you better than anyone else. They see and love you for who you are.

Unlike Eros, Philia is guided by our mind, making decisions after careful consideration of the needs of both parties in the relationship. This love is about deep mutual respect, understanding, and the balance between give and take.

Fostering Philia

To nurture Philia in your relationships:

Invest time in deep, meaningful conversations with your friends.
Be consistent and reliable, showing up for your friends when they need you most.
Show loyalty and trustworthiness, allowing your friends to confide in you.

3. Storge: The Bond of Family

Storge is the Greek term for familial love. It signifies the deep affection that is born out of dependability, familiarity, and similarity. This type of love is often seen between parents and children or even among siblings.

Storge love is unconditional, accepting, and forgiving. It’s the love that doesn’t need constant validation and doesn’t change based on circumstances. This is the root of the maxim, “Blood is thicker than water.” This love is driven by our memories that are tied to people we are closely related to or have a deep affection for. We also have this kind of love for our pets or the nature that surrounds us.

Cultivating Storge

To foster Storge in your life:

Prioritize spending quality time with your family, pets, and nature.
Show love and appreciation for your family members regularly.
Be forgiving and understanding during disagreements or conflicts.

4. Agape: Universal Love

Agape is the highest form of love. It is selfless, spiritual, and universal. It’s the love that accepts, forgives, and believes in our greater good. Agape is an unconditional love, independent of circumstances. It’s about loving everyone, even those who are difficult to love, without any expectation of reciprocation.

Our spirit is the catalyst for Agape love, driving us to love others in a selfless manner. This love is not about a physical act or being emotionally in love. It’s about a higher form of love that transcends all others. Most of us just have fleeting moments of this love, if at all. You will know when you are in the presence of someone who lives in this space, your heart will open.

Promoting Agape

To cultivate Agape in your life:

Practice acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.
Volunteer your time and resources for charitable causes.
Develop empathy and understanding for others, regardless of their circumstances.

5. Ludus: The Playful Dance

Ludus represents the playful, uncommitted love that occurs in the early stages of a relationship, characterized by flirtation, teasing, and light-hearted fun. This type of love is the stage where you are not in deep love yet, but you’re enjoying the process of getting to know each other.

The playful interactions that occur in Ludus love are driven by our emotions. This love is about excitement, surprise, and the anticipation of what will happen next—the anticipation of romance for many.

Encouraging Ludus

To encourage Ludus in your relationships:

Engage in playful activities and adventures with your partner.
Keep the mood light and fun, focusing on creating memorable experiences.
Make time for spontaneous dates and surprises in your relationship.

6. Pragma: Love That Endures

Pragma is the enduring love that develops between long-term couples. It’s about making compromises, showing patience, and tolerance to make the relationship work. Pragma is the mature, realistic love that is not only about feeling good but also about doing what is best for the other person. Pragma happens when two people work on their relationship after the romance fades away.

This love requires effort from both parties and a willingness to negotiate and make compromises. The catalyst for Pragma love is our subconscious, driving us towards commitment and shared goals.

Building Pragma

To build Pragma in your relationship:

Show patience and understanding during disagreements.
Make compromises for the good of the relationship.
Continually work on strengthening your bond and deepening your understanding of each other.

7. Philautia: Nurturing Self-Love

Philautia is the love we give to ourselves. It’s about recognizing your self-worth and taking care of your own needs. This is not a narcissistic, self-obsessed kind of love. It’s about treating yourself with the same compassion and care that you would treat others.

The catalyst for Philautia love is the soul. It’s about acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being and understanding that you need to love yourself before you can love others. Care of yourself is the care of your soul.

Embracing Philautia

To embrace Philautia in your life:

Prioritize self-care and ensure your needs are being met.
Practice self-compassion and forgiveness.
Spend time alone to understand and appreciate yourself.

8. Mania: Obsessive Love

Mania represents an obsessive or possessive love, a type of love that can lead to great highs and devastating lows. This love can create a sense of possessiveness and dependency that can easily lead to turmoil and anxiety in the relationship.

The survival instinct is the catalyst for Mania love, driving the person to feel an intense need for their partner. This love is often unbalanced and can become destructive if not kept in check. This love fuels those that feel jilted or unseen and take out their anger on those they ‘love.’

Balancing Mania

To balance Mania in your relationships:

Cultivate a strong sense of self and independence.
Communicate openly about your feelings and insecurities.
Seek professional help if your love becomes obsessive or controlling.

Final Thoughts: Finding Your Perfect Love Blend

Each love type has a different catalyst and a unique love language, and understanding these can help you navigate the labyrinth of love more effectively. It is through understanding these different types of love and recognizing them in our relationships that we can enjoy a richer, deeper, and more fulfilling love life.

Whether it’s Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, Philautia, or Mania, every form of love has its own charm and significance. We often get ourselves in trouble attracted to someone looking for one kind of love, and they are looking for another. Explore each one and find your perfect love blend, then find the right connection for you! Because at the end of the day, love is indeed a many-splendored thing!

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
Lao Tzu

*Authors Note: Greek love has been identified by eight or seven types—and even sometimes four.

Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the calming meditations on the Breathe page. Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places? Share your thoughts by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is essential and valued.

Until next time, stay well out there and say yes to more love in your life.

With love, Gael

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho

Greek men discuss types of love — Image created by Author

Loneliness in Relationships: Taking Time to Heal the Rift

March 28, 2023 / Gael MacLean

Two geese discussing their relationship rift. — Image by Premek Hajek from Pixabay

Being alone is scary, but not as scary as being alone in a relationship.
Amelia Earhart

Are you Lonely in your Relationship?

No one gets together expecting the relationship to become lonely, but the reality is that it can happen. Loneliness in a relationship can manifest in many different ways. It can look like a lack of emotional connection, a lack of physical intimacy, a lack of communication, or even a lack of joy in the relationship.

You are not alone. Many couples feel disconnected and frustrated as they struggle to find ways to connect with each other. Relationships require a lot of work, and sometimes we forget to focus on ourselves. Taking time for yourself and engaging in solitude practices can help heal feelings of loneliness in your relationship, and bring you closer to your partner. In this article, we’ll discuss what loneliness in a relationship looks like, and the importance of taking time to heal the loneliness in your relationship.

Understanding Loneliness in Relationships

Loneliness in relationships is a complex emotion that can have many different causes. It’s important to understand that feeling lonely doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is failing or that your partner doesn’t care about you. And sometimes, loneliness can be a result of external factors, such as stress at work, financial worries, or health issues. Loneliness in relationships can stem from a variety of factors, including:

Lack of communication
Lack of intimacy
Differences in values or interests
Infidelity
Incompatible personalities
Unresolved conflicts
External stressors, such as work or financial issues

The Consequences of Loneliness in Relationships

Feeling lonely in a relationship can have serious consequences for both partners. It can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration, and can ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Some of the consequences of loneliness in relationships include:

Depression and anxiety
Poor physical health
Increased risk of substance abuse
Decreased self-esteem and self-worth
Negative impact on children (if applicable)

Taking Time to Heal the Rift

When we enter into a relationship, we bring with us our own personal histories, experiences, and emotional baggage. It’s important to take time to heal from past traumas, heartbreaks, and disappointments before entering into a new relationship. This means taking the time to work through our own issues, seek therapy if necessary, and develop coping mechanisms to help us navigate the challenges of a new relationship.

Taking time to heal also means being honest with ourselves and our partners about our emotional state. It’s critical to communicate openly and honestly about our feelings, fears, and insecurities. This helps build trust and intimacy in your relationship and prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You must belong to yourself first before you can belong to a relationship.

How Solitude Can Help Build Stronger Relationships

Allowing yourself some time to focus on your personal needs can have a positive impact on your relationship. This time can provide you with a fresh perspective on your relationship, enabling you to better understand your own and your partner’s needs. By concentrating on yourself and your well-being, you can reduce stress and create a calm and loving atmosphere in your relationship. Moreover, this period of self-reflection can help you reestablish a connection with yourself, which can ultimately lead to a reconnection with your partner. It is critical to take the time to care for yourself to create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

Creating Boundaries to Improve Intimacy in Relationships

It’s easy to lose ourselves in our relationship, especially in the early stages when everything is new and exciting. But it’s important to maintain our own identity by creating solid boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s essential to remember that a healthy relationship involves two individuals who are committed to supporting each other’s personal growth and development. Here are a few strategies for improving intimacy by creating boundaries in your relationship:

Focus On Your Own Needs

To improve your relationship, carve out specific moments each day for yourself. This may involve spending an hour in the morning meditating or reading or taking a stroll or cycling in the evening. Select an activity that you find pleasurable and that allows you to concentrate on yourself. By focusing on our own needs, we become more self-aware and introspective, which enhances our understanding of ourselves and our partners. And taking time for ourselves aids in the development of our unique interests, which can create opportunities for shared experiences with our significant other.

Establish Solid Boundaries With Your Partner

It’s easy to lose ourselves in our relationship, especially in the early stages when everything is new and exciting. However, it’s important to maintain our own identity and passions to keep our relationship healthy. It is crucial to communicate with your partner about the amount of time and personal space you require. This may involve imposing limits on phone conversations or setting rules for spending time together. And make sure that your boundaries are honored. It also helps if both partners have similar expectations. If your partner desires more quality time than you, share your thoughts and reach an agreement. And of equal importance, respecting each other’s need for alone time is vital.

Cultivate Your Own Interests and Hobbies

To ensure overall well-being, it is important to engage in activities that bring you pleasure and happiness. This could include hobbies or activities that were once enjoyed but may have been neglected due to other commitments. It is common to set aside personal interests when entering a new relationship, so it will help to create a list of activities that bring you joy and a sense of connection to yourself. These activities could include things like getting together with friends to explore a museum or art gallery or doing something on your own. It is imperative to set realistic boundaries and ensure that the amount of time spent on personal activities does not negatively impact the needs of one’s partner.

Spend Quality Time Together

In order to stimulate intimacy, couples can devote quality time to one another, such as scheduling a date night, planning a weekend getaway, or simply enjoying each other’s company at home. It is important that the activity is mutually enjoyable, as this fosters a deeper bond and reinforces the relationship.

When it comes to setting boundaries, it’s fundamental to be clear and honest. Try to communicate your needs and feelings in a respectful manner. This will help to make sure that both of your needs are met, creating a stronger bond that will deepen your emotional connection. Always check that both partners are comfortable with the amount of time that each person is taking for themselves.

The Role of Communication in Your Relationship

The key to successful alone time in a relationship is communication. It’s important to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and what you need. Let them know when you need some time to yourself, and make sure that they respect your boundaries. And it’s also important to communicate how you’re feeling when you come back from taking time for yourself. Are you feeling refreshed and recharged? Are you feeling more connected to your partner? Share your feelings with your partner, as this can help to create a healthier and more connected relationship.

Signs That You’re Spending Too Much Time Alone in a Relationship

Taking time for yourself in a relationship is important, but it’s also important to make sure that you’re not spending too much time alone. Here are a few signs that you’re spending too much time alone in your relationship.

Before anything else, it’s important to evaluate your own emotions if you’re sensing a lack of connection with your significant other. If you’re experiencing feelings of detachment and isolation from your partner, it’s possible that you’re spending an excessive amount of time by yourself.

If you experience feelings of being burdened or uneasy, it’s possible that you may be distancing yourself too much from your partner, resulting in feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious while in their company. It’s important to recognize this behavior and address it in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

The third point to consider is when you experience loneliness while you are with your partner. Feeling lonely consistently in your relationship could indicate that you are withdrawing too much from social interaction with your partner and in your life.

Finally, if you’re experiencing a sense of resentment towards your significant other, it could be an indication that you’re spending disproportionate amounts of time in isolation.

Resources for Couples Experiencing Loneliness in Relationship

If you and your partner are feeling lonely in your relationship, there are some resources available to help.

One option for resolving relationship issues is to seek counseling or couples therapy. With the help of a skilled counselor, couples can improve their understanding of each other and address any challenges they may be facing.

Relationship retreats are events that typically last for a weekend and provide couples with an opportunity to spend quality time with each other while also discovering fresh ways to communicate and rekindle their relationship.

Relationship enrichment workshops are similar to retreats but are typically day-long events designed to help couples develop new communication techniques and methods for resolving conflicts.

Finally, there are a variety of digital sources, including books, podcasts, and websites, that offer valuable guidance and suggestions for maintaining a positive and fulfilling relationship.

Bringing It Together

Experiencing feelings of loneliness within a relationship can be scary but it is not necessarily an indication of a failed relationship. It is important to take some time for yourself and engage in solitary activities that can help repair your relationship and bring you closer to your partner. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires finding a balance between personal growth and the partnership.

Being honest and communicating openly about your needs, desires, and boundaries is crucial. If you and your partner are experiencing loneliness, there are resources available to help. By prioritizing our emotional and physical well-being, we become better partners, communicators, and, ultimately, individuals.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

Final Thoughts

Our future articles will delve into the exploration of our negative thought patterns and how we can transform them for our benefit. The series of posts will cover the societal influence on negative body images and understanding the effects of diet culture. Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! Kindly ensure that our email address is saved in your contacts to avoid it being marked as spam. And do not hesitate to share our content with your friends.

Check out the new mindfulness videos on the Breathe page. And share any comments about this post or what you would like to see in future posts on ‘Comments’ at the top. We would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time, stay well out there and enjoy time with your significant other or with yourself. With love, Gael