Category: Personal growth

Train Your Brain to Stop Overthinking

October 15, 2023 / Gael MacLean

Metaphysical illustration of a brain wired to gears representing overthinking.

The Problem of Overthinking

As the digital age developed, it felt like I had discovered a kindred spirit. The boundless horizons of the online realm seemed to echo a deep, ever-growing curiosity I held within. Even as I lost myself in the intricacies of digital tech, there was a pull — from the mysterious realms of the metaphysical. Realms not made up of words or thoughts—not information-based. Whether I was exploring the wonders of New Age or immersed in the profound teachings of Buddhism, I yearned to find a bridge between these two worlds, each so different yet both close to my heart.

The challenge I faced? Articulating the elusive metaphysical realm in terms relatable to our everyday lives. My most profound realization throughout this exploration was that our thoughts, pervasive as they might be, aren’t always genuine reflections of reality. Often, they obscure our vision of our true selves, acting as hurdles on our quest for self-discovery. So, what really is the nature of overthinking? How can we align with our truest selves and reconnect with our core essence?

“The more you overthink the less you will understand.”
Habeeb Akande

Overthinking is like being stuck on a hamster wheel, always moving but never advancing. Though it may seem like we’re problem-solving, we often get lost in worries, fears, or societal pressures. Sometimes, it’s because we’re afraid of failing or being judged. Other times, past hurts still haunt us or we’re feeling the pressure from society to be perfect. It’s tricky because while it seems productive, it often keeps us from making real progress.

Signs and Symptoms of Overthinking

Constant Worrying — Besieged by persistent what if? scenarios about past or future events.

Analysis Paralysis — An inability to take action due to excessive deliberation.

Self-criticism — Continually finding fault in one’s actions or decisions, however minor they may be.

Regretting Past Decisions — Reliving past choices and wondering how things might have been different.

Difficulty Sleeping — Restless mind keeps us awake when stuck in revisiting the day’s events or anticipating future challenges.

Perpetual Fatigue — Mental exhaustion stemming from constant thinking can lead to persistent tiredness.

Indecisiveness — Struggling to make decisions, especially simple ones, due to the fear of potential repercussions.

Feeling Stuck — A sensation of no progress being made, regardless of the time and effort invested in thinking about a situation.

Compulsive Checking Behaviors — Frequently revisiting conversations, messages, or emails, scrutinizing them for perceived errors or alternate meanings.

Physical Symptoms — Such as headaches or stomachaches, which can sometimes be a result of stress caused by chronic overthinking.

Noticing these signs is like pausing to check in with ourselves, Hey, how am I really doing? By careful analysis to understand what’s truly going on beneath the surface, instead of just slapping a band-aid on the obvious issues, we can begin to create a calmer, clearer way of thinking and living. It’s about understanding ourselves better and taking steps that really count towards our well-being.

“I realized I have the power to choose whether I want to run my emotional circuitry (what I call my right brain) or my thinking circuitry (what I call my left brain)” Neuroanatomist
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor

The Difference Between Left Brain vs Right Brain Thinking

Our brain has two sides — the logical left and the creative right. The left side is a detail-oriented project manager, providing structure and logic, while the right is the imaginative brainstormer, offering creativity and intuition, To thrive, we need both. Activities like doodling ignite our creativity, while puzzles sharpen logic. Dancing requires both rhythm — left-brained, and expression — right-brained. By utilizing both sides, we ensure a more balanced approach to our daily challenges and joys.

How our brains operate is rooted in real science, but sometimes, the way we talk about it makes it sound more like a fun myth than neuroscience. While it’s an oversimplification to say we’re either left-brained or right-brained,there’s no denying that understanding these aspects of ourselves can offer insights into our behavior and preferences.

Left Brain Characteristics

Analytical Thinking — Prefers approaching problems step by step, breaking them down into smaller components.

Logical Reasoning — Uses systematic methods to draw conclusions and make decisions.

Linear Processing — Processes information in a sequence, moving from one point to the next.

Language Skills — Associated with language processing, including grammar and vocabulary.

Right Brain Characteristics

Holistic Thinking — Looks at problems and situations as a whole, preferring to connect disparate pieces of information.

Intuitive Reasoning — Relies more on feelings and gut reactions than detailed analysis.

Spatial Abilities — Good at visualizing objects or scenarios and understanding how they fit into a broader context.

Creative Expression — Often linked with artistic endeavors, such as music, painting, and dance.

Right/Left Brain Examples in Society

Education — While traditional classrooms often focus on rote learning and ticking boxes, catering to left-brain activities, progressive teaching methods now blend in music, art, and imaginative play. Solving a math problem through a creative story or visual representation showcases the harmony of using both sides of the brain. This approach nurtures creativity and holistic growth beyond just memorization.

Workplace — In workplaces, some roles like accounting demand precision and logic, tapping into our left-brain skills. Programming, especially during the software design stage and algorithm creation, requires a harmony of both—analytical prowess for structuring code and creativity for innovative solutions. Fields like graphic design and music predominantly cater to our right-brain, valuing imagination, creativity, and the broader vision.

Culture & Media — Analytical talk shows and documentaries attract left-brained individuals with their structured arguments and detailed facts. Music festivals and abstract art exhibitions captivate right-brained individuals. A film that intricately blends a factual narrative with abstract symbolism showcases the seamless interplay of both sides of the brain, appealing to a broader spectrum of viewers and evoking a richer emotional response.

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”
Albert Einstein

Metaphysical illustration of a woman's brain filled with artificial thoughts.

Are Thoughts Real? Understanding the Nature of Thoughts

Where do our thoughts come from and how do they connect to the world around us? For ages, deep thinkers—philosophers, scientists, and wise spiritual leaders, have been captivated by these very questions. Many of us, in quiet moments or during restless nights, wrestle with the puzzle of teasing apart what’s truly real from those ephemeral, ghost-like images dancing across our minds. Examining the nature of our thoughts is a path to understanding what ties us all together—a shared curiosity about the mysteries of the mind.

“The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.”
Henri Bergson

What is a Thought?

What exactly is a thought? At its heart, a thought is like a story or image we create in our minds. While a physical sensation, like feeling cold or hot, directly interacts with our bodies, feelings are our emotional responses to these sensations or events. Thoughts are based on our memories, insights, worries, or hopes for the future. Everything, from a song we hear to a scent we recognize, can trigger these thoughts. Each thought is a reflection, sometimes crystal clear and sometimes a bit hazy, of our experiences, beliefs, feelings, and even the very space we’re in.

Thoughts vs. Reality

The distinction between thoughts and reality is vital to our mental health and understanding of the world. For instance, one might have a thought like Nobody likes me based on an isolated incident, but this doesn’t make it an objective truth. Consider another example — if you watch a terrifying movie about sharks and later find yourself hesitating to swim in a pool, it’s not the actual threat of sharks that scares you, but the residual thought or emotion from the movie. I never went into the ocean again after seeing “Jaws.”

The Dalai Lama once said,

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”

This speaks to the idea that our thoughts and desires, while potent, don’t always align with what’s best for us in reality. Just because we think we want something doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for us.

In stressful situations, it’s common for people to jump to the worst-case scenario in their minds, even if the actual likelihood of that event is low. For example, forgetting to send an important email might trigger thoughts like I’m going to get fired, but in reality, mistakes happen, and most can be rectified.

Mindfulness meditation offers a gentle invitation to observe our thoughts without criticism, acknowledging their transient nature. Through this nurturing practice, we come to understand that we are not defined by our thoughts. We are the compassionate observer, noticing the ebb and flow of our thoughts and recognizing they don’t always hold the absolute truth.Instead our conception of reality is based on how we experience the world, not what we think of it.

As meditation expert Jon Kabat-Zinn put it,

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

Unless you saw “Jaws.”

Eckart Tolle has this to say about thinking,

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”

While thoughts have the power to influence our emotions, decisions, and actions, they are not an undeniable reflection of reality. Recognizing the transitory and sometimes deceptive nature of thoughts is vital to understanding that not every thought that pops up is a direct ticket to the truth.

Some are like those clouds momentarily blocking the sun, while others are mere daydreams or old tales we tell ourselves. By understanding how our thoughts can be tricksters, we give ourselves the freedom to breathe, stay rooted in the present, and live a more joyful, balanced life. You are not your thoughts.

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering.”
Byron Katie

Roads representing neural pathways in the brain.

Where Do Thoughts Come From? The Science Behind Thought Generation

Our minds are truly intriguing. One moment, we’re deep in a childhood memory, and the next, we’re replaying a tune from last week. But where do these thoughts come from? Why do certain ideas just stick, while others fade away? Understanding the birth and progression of our thoughts can offer insight into our own behaviors and feelings. How do our thoughts originate and evolve?

The Neural Pathways and Thought Generation

Wei-Chung Allen Lee of Harvard Medical School leads the research on how these neurons connect,

“The brain is structured so that each neuron is connected to thousands of other neurons, and so to understand what a single neuron is doing, ideally you study it within the context of the rest of the neural network.”

Check out the link to Lee’s article below for a more extensive explanation, but let me give you a snapshot—think of our brain as a bustling city, with neurons as its inhabitants. These neurons communicate via bridges known as synapses. Lee highlights this in the emerging field of study, referring to them as connectomics. Just like paths form in a park based on where people frequently walk, our experiences shape these neural pathways.

When you learn something new or think about a past memory, your brain pathways light up. They’re influenced by what we focus on and what quietly plays out in our subconscious. It’s the dynamic interplay of these countless neural conversations that continuously form our stream of consciousness, giving rise to thoughts, memories, and feelings.

Conditioned Responses

Pavlov’s experiments with dogs provide a clear example of conditioned responses. He demonstrated that when a bell was repeatedly paired with food, the dogs began to salivate at the sound of the bell, expecting food. In a similar vein, if you were bitten by a dog as a child, later encounters with a dog might trigger feelings of anxiety or fear. These reactions stem from conditioned neural pathways formed by previous experiences.

Repetition and Reinforcement

The first few times you drive to a new place, you’re highly attentive, but after several repetitions, you can almost drive there on autopilot. This is due to the reinforcement of a particular neural pathway. The same applies to thoughts. The more frequently you engage with a specific thought, the stronger that neural pathway becomes, making the thought more easily accessible and dominant in your mind.

External Stimuli

The simplest things, like the scent of a particular perfume, can whisk us back in time, maybe to a moment we shared with someone special. Or the gentle patter of raindrops can suddenly make us recall a cozy vacation cabin we once stayed in years ago. These stimuli wake up parts of our brain connecting today’s experience with past moments, making our world feel interconnected and brimming with stories.

Emotional States

Our emotions act like a filter for our memories and thoughts. When we’re having a down day, our mind plays a reel of all those other times we felt the same way, pulling up memories tinted with sadness. On the other hand, when we’re on top of the world, our brain becomes this highlight reel of all the good times. It’s as though our heart sets the mood, and our mind crafts the playlist, echoing our current feelings with memories of similar emotions from the past.

Subconscious Processing

Many scientists, especially those in the fields of psychology and neuroscience, have studied the significance of dreams. Our dreams provide insight into our subconscious, weaving tales from memories, emotions, and hopes. It’s fascinating how they can create scenarios from fragments of events, wishes, and fears. Reflecting on them can reveal our deep desires and feelings, allowing us to connect more profoundly with our innermost self.

“Dreaming provides a unique suite of benefits to all species fortunate enough to experience it, humans included. Among these gifts are a consoling neurochemical bath that mollifies painful memories and a virtual reality space in which the brain melds past and present knowledge, inspiring creativity.”
Matthew Walker, neuroscientist and author of “Why We Sleep”

Taking Charge of Our Thoughts

Navigating our thought patterns can be transformative in shaping our mindset. When we consistently lean into positive thoughts, it’s akin to treading a familiar mental path, making it more instinctive with each journey. Conversely, by confronting and questioning negative or unproductive thoughts, we begin to let that path grow over, visiting it less often.

It’s essential to strike a balance—while nurturing positive thoughts can uplift us, detaching from them occasionally reminds us that they, just like their negative counterparts, are impermanent and not always rooted in reality. Recognizing this can help us maintain a grounded perspective, ensuring we don’t get overly attached to any single thought pattern.

A woman's head in chains represents someone controlled by their thoughts, although the chains are an illusion.

The Dangers of Being Controlled by Your Thoughts

Understanding our thoughts can greatly influence how we shape our thinking. When we consistently think positively, it becomes a familiar process, making it easier to foster such thoughts in the future. However, constantly dwelling on negative thoughts can hinder our progress and decision-making. It’s essential to be cautious.

While over-indulgence in negative thinking can paralyze us, being overly positive might prevent us from seeing the full spectrum of our choices. To function effectively, it’s beneficial to strike a balance—be hopeful but remain open to all possibilities. We have a saying in the backcountry where life can be challenging—Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Anxiety and Overthinking

Replaying worrisome moments in our heads can become burdensome. It’s like watching the same cringe-worthy movie scene on repeat. If after a gathering, you’re stuck on something you said, it might make you anxious about future meet-ups. Over time, such overthinking can diminish our peace of mind, pulling us away from the present joys amd meaningful relationships.

Impaired Decision Making

Relying solely on momentary emotions to dictate our choices can sometimes backfire. We can make impulsive purchases when we’re particularly hungry or emotional, only to later wonder if it was the right decision. During the COVID lockdown, the immediate loneliness many felt led to a surge in pet adoptions. But as life started returning to its usual pace, the permanent responsibility of pet ownership hit home, leading to many animals being returned. This underscores the importance of pausing and considering the long-term implications of our actions, distinguishing between genuine feelings and fleeting thoughts.

Strained Relationships

You’re having an off day, and those familiar insecurities begin to lurk. You text a friend—they don’t reply instantly. It’s tempting to think, They’re upset with me. But perhaps they’re just busy or distracted. Acting on these hasty assumptions can lead to needless tension. Our thoughts don’t always accurately depict others’ intentions. A pause and some perspective can save many a friendship from unintended rifts.

Stagnation and Missed Opportunities

You dream of opening a café, with its warm atmosphere and aroma of coffee. Yet, a voice whispers, What if I fail? Such doubts, while meant to protect, can sometimes hold us back. Yielding to these fears keeps us in our comfort zones, where dreams might stall. By recognizing but not surrendering to these doubts, we invite endless possibilities and adventures into our lives.

Decline in Mental and Physical Health

Persistent stress from over-thinking affects not just our minds but our bodies. It can cause headaches and digestive issues, and weaken our immune system. Extended periods of stress may lead to conditions like depression or heart problems, underscoring the deep link between mental and physical well-being. Change happens in the mind first.

Distorted Reality Perception

Ever had a day where everything seems against you? A spilled coffee, an unsent email, or a perceived odd look from a coworker can tint our perspective, making innocent events feel threatening. At a gathering, you might spot friends whispering and think, Are they talking about me? when they’re just discussing shoes. These patterns can make the world feel hostile, leading to misunderstandings with loved ones. Recognizing and challenging these thoughts helps us see the world more clearly and fairly.

Reduced Self-esteem and Self-worth

The consistent hum of self-doubt in our heads can erode our confidence, making us feel unworthy or inadequate. This negative self-talk isn’t just a mental burden—it’s tied to real challenges we face, from deep insecurities to body image issues. Everyone has their battles, and it’s vital to seek help when needed. Catching these thoughts early is key. Whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or therapy, understanding and redirecting our thoughts helps us lead fulfilling lives on our terms.

“Negative self-talk diminishes us, limits us, and can even become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Melody Beattie

Metaphysical sketch of man weight training with thoughts.

How to Train Your Brain to Stop Overthinking

Overthinking is like a treadmill—your mind races, but you’re stuck in place. It’s exhausting to exert energy without making progress. Just as we change our workouts for better results, we can train our mind to move past this cycle. By strengthening our mental muscles and using the right strategies, we can guide our thoughts toward a more balanced and healthier direction.

Set Aside “Thinking Time”

Allocate a specific period in your day, say 20 minutes, solely for reflection and introspection. Use this time to process events, plan ahead, or ponder decisions. For instance, if you’re unsure about a decision at work, use this window to weigh pros and cons. Outside of this timeframe, consciously redirect your mind when you catch it drifting into overthinking.

The “Not Now” Technique

Whenever you find yourself beginning to overthink outside your designated thinking time, mentally tell yourself Not now. Softly, without judgment. It’s a simple way of acknowledging the thought without engaging in it. I also find it helpful to say You are not real when my thoughts start shaping my reality.

Journaling or Writing

Putting pen to paper can be really helpful. It’s a simple way to sort out how you feel. If you’re nervous or anxious about something, writing it down can help you pinpoint why. Sharing your thoughts, whether they’re in the form of a real-life story, fiction, or a poem, on platforms like Medium can also be a way to work through things. It’s all about what feels right for you.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Meditation and mindfulness go beyond being just trendy terms—they serve as compasses to navigate our mind’s incessant noise. Integrating them into our daily routines allows us to become more attuned to our internal dialogues. Mindfulness meditation, in particular, encourages us to observe our thoughts without labeling them as good or bad.

By focusing on the breath or bodily sensations, we learn to recognize our thoughts without getting lost in them or assigning value. This is the heart of mindfulness meditation. With time and practice, this approach can help mitigate the intensity and frequency of overthinking episodes.

Challenge Your Thoughts

Ask yourself if the thought you’re stuck on is realistic. For example, if you’re obsessing over a mistake, ask yourself Will this matter in five years? I often ask myself, How important will this be after I’m dead? Not many thoughts get any points these days. Often we blow things out of proportion, and challenging our thoughts can help us see situations more objectively.

Set Clear Boundaries

Ever been scrolling on social media and a post suddenly has you second-guessing yourself? It’s a fast slide into comparisons and self-doubt. Combat this by pinpointing what triggers your overthinking online. Maybe some accounts need an unfollow. Prioritize creating a digital space that uplifts rather than drags you down. Your peace of mind is invaluable.

Physical Activity

A good walk or a yoga session can clear your head. That’s because moving our bodies isn’t just good for our muscles — it’s a balm for the mind too. Yoga offers the added benefits of improving flexibility, enhancing breath control, and promoting a deeper connection between mind and body.

Getting active, whether it’s diving into a yoga sequence or simply taking a stroll around the block, gives our minds a break from the constant chatter. Plus, there’s the bonus of feel-good endorphins that come with exercise, helping those worries to fade and lifting our spirits.

Talk It Out

Got a thought that won’t leave you alone? Sometimes, just talking it out helps. Voicing your thoughts can be like airing out a stuffy room. A trusted friend might offer a new perspective or simply listen, letting you process. Often, just having someone say, I hear you, makes all the difference. A listening ear can be a game-changer against overthinking.

Cognitive-Behavioral Techniques to Manage Thoughts

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a toolkit for your mind. It helps us challenge unhelpful thoughts. Worried about a presentation and think, I’ll mess up? Instead of spiraling into that thought, CBT teaches you to stop and ask yourself, What’s the evidence for this? Have I done this before and succeeded? When you start looking closer, you might find there’s little to no proof backing up your fear. It’s about facing challenges with clarity and confidence.

The Power of Positive Affirmations

Affirmations are tools for reshaping our mindset. Instead of Everything will be perfect, saying I can handle challenges is more empowering and realistic. They’re not about avoiding thoughts but steering them gently. With consistent effort and practice, it’s possible to guide your brain towards more constructive and positive thought patterns, ensuring overthinking doesn’t rob you of the joy and peace of the present moment.

Be in the Present Moment

Being free from overthinking is like soaking in a sunset without dissecting the science behind it. It’s savoring a dish or feeling a song without analyzing every detail. It’s living in the moment, without pausing to predict the next.It’s about simply being present and letting go of those incessant thoughts.

Tap into Spontaneous Joy

Life is a river with moments of pure joy. Overthinking is the debris blocking its flow. When we’re trapped in our thoughts, we miss life’s spontaneous beauty. By being present and clearing our mind, we appreciate life’s richness. It’s about balancing deep introspection with living in the moment, savoring the magic life offers. What do you hear as you walk through the forest? Your thoughts or the sounds of life?

Reveling in Life’s Simplicities

Life’s deepest joys are in simple moments, like a child’s laughter or a peaceful morning. Often missed in our busy lives, these moments are pure happiness. When not lost in overthinking, we open ourselves to these experiences, connecting deeper with the world. We look out and see the beauty of the world rather than get stuck in a myopic vision of unrealistic thoughts.

Strengthening Connections

Genuine relationships thrive when we’re present. By setting aside overthinking, we deeply connect and listen to others. Instead of analyzing every word or gesture, we can cherish shared moments. We can accept people for who they are without judgment and see ourselves with the same compassion. It’s less about the noise in our heads, and more about feeling the heartbeats of those we’re with.

Empowering Decision-Making

When we let go of the constant chatter of overthinking, making choices becomes so much clearer. We’re no longer bogged down by the what ifs or the exhaustive list of pros and cons. Instead, we lean into our gut feelings and our past experiences, giving us the confidence to take decisive steps forward. It’s like finally seeing a clear path after being lost in a thick fog of thoughts for so long.

Cultivating Peace

Inner peace often eludes the chronic overthinker. By managing overthinking, we find stillness amidst life’s noise. This quiet allows clarity and contentment to emerge. Being present, rather than lost in thought, we often discover what truly matters, seeing things more clearly and feeling genuinely at peace with ourselves and the world.

Gratitude Practice

Gratitude is like a warm embrace for our minds, especially when overthinking starts to take hold. By pausing to cherish the good moments and simple joys, we root ourselves firmly in the present and surround our minds with feelings of contentment. Making it a habit to recognize and share our thankfulness helps us shift from focusing on what we might be lacking or worrying about, to celebrating the many blessings we already have. This gentle shift doesn’t just ease overthinking—it also enriches our emotional well-being, making us feel more connected and content.

In Service

Service to others acts as a powerful antidote to overthinking. When we direct our energies toward helping someone else, we shift our focus outward, diverting attention from our own obsessive ruminations. Engaging in acts of kindness and service provides a sense of purpose, grounding us in tangible actions with clear benefits. This outward focus not only alleviates our tendency to overanalyze but also fosters feelings of connection and fulfillment, reinforcing the idea that our thoughts don’t have to control our actions or dictate our well-being.

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”
Maya Angelou

An ancient drawing of a balanced metaphysical world.

Final Thoughts

Our minds can be a maze at times, but we hold the map. By getting to know what makes us overthink and finding ways to get off the hamster wheel of thoughts, we can truly feel and enjoy every little moment life offers. It’s not just about turning down the volume of our busy minds, but really tuning in to the beautiful sounds of life around us.

If there’s one thing I want you to hold onto, it’s this—thoughts aren’t the same as reality! Next time you lose yourself in your thoughts, take a breath, step back and loosen the reins.

If you’re intrigued by the intricate workings of the mind, consider exploring these references. They encompass a blend of scientific studies, self-help literature, and insightful philosophical and contemplative writings probing the depths of our mental landscape.

Scientific Literature & Books

Harvard Medical School — A New Field of Neuroscience Aims to Map Connections in the Brain

Jill Bolte Taylor — Neuroanatomist whose research specialized in understanding how our brain creates our perception of reality — My Stroke of Insight

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hyperion. Based on the principles of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), a program Kabat-Zinn developed at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. The program and its effectiveness have been the subject of scientific research.

Leonard Shlain was a prominent surgeon and author who wrote several books exploring the intersections of art, science, and culture.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life

Gazzaniga, M. S. (1998). The split brain revisited. Scientific American.

Beck, A. T., Rush, A. J., Shaw, B. F., & Emery, G. (1979). Cognitive therapy of depression. Guilford press

Contemplative Traditions & Philosophical Texts

Tolle, E. (2005). A new earth: Awakening to your life’s purpose. Penguin

Hanh, Thich Nhat. (1999). The miracle of mindfulness: An introduction to the practice of meditation. Beacon Press

Dalai Lama & Cutler, H. C. (1998). The Art of Happiness. Riverhead Books

Self-Help & Popular Psychology

Duhigg, C. (2012). The power of habit: Why we do what we do in life and business. Random House

Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery

Gilbert, D. (2006). Stumbling on happiness. Vintage

Websites & Articles

Psychology Today — articles on overthinking, mindfulness, and cognitive-behavioral therapy

Harvard Business Review — articles on decision-making, leadership, and mindfulness

Mindful.org — for articles and practices centered around mindfulness

All images created by Author in Midjourney

The article originally appeared on my Medium Blog. You can check out more of my stories there.

Remember not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the calming meditations on the Breathe page. Can you identify your thought patterns? Which pathways you are reinforcing? Share your thoughts by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is essential and valued.

Until next time, stay well out there and say no to negative self-talk.

With love, Gael

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho

The Labyrinth of Love: Exploring the Spectrum of Human Connections

August 21, 2023 / Gael MacLean

Greek women discuss types of love — Image created by Author

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
Nat King Cole

Love is a labyrinthine journey that each one of us embarks on. A timeless emotion, its varying degrees of passion and affection transform our lives in profound ways. The ancient Greeks, in their quest for wisdom and self-understanding, recognized the multifaceted nature of love and identified *eight unique types that we experience throughout our lives. Let’s take a journey through this labyrinth, exploring these different types of love and their deep impact on our lives.

Navigating the Labyrinth

‘Love Catalyst’ is the part of ourselves that enhances our experience with a particular type of love. For instance, self-love is catalyzed by the soul, while affectionate love is triggered by the mind. Keep this concept in your mind as we navigate the labyrinth of Greek love, allowing each catalyst to guide us through the various twists and turns of these diverse forms of affection.

1. Eros: The Flame of Passion

Named after the Greek god of love and fertility, Eros signifies romantic, sexual passion and desire. Often considered the first type of love, Eros is characterized by a “loss of control” through an intense form of desire. The Greeks saw Eros as a dangerous, fiery, and irrational form of love that could take hold of you and make you lose all semblance of rationality.

While Eros can be intoxicating and thrilling, it’s also a love that can burn bright and fast, often requiring its flame to be stoked with deeper forms of love to keep it alive. This primal form of love is centered around the physical body and the desire it incites. Romance, an aspect of Eros, is often confused with true love and the reason why so many relationships fail once it fades. You can keep it alive with some effort.

Nurturing Eros

To foster Eros in your relationship:

Encourage romantic and physical expressions of love.
Keep the flame alive with surprise dates and spontaneous acts of affection.
Prioritize intimate time with your partner.

2. Philia: The Strength of Brother/Sisterhood

Philia, or friendship, represents a love that is considered stronger than Eros. This type of love pertains to deep comradery, brother/sisterhood, and heartfelt friendship. It’s the kind of love you feel for someone you have shared experiences with, someone you can trust, someone who knows you better than anyone else. They see and love you for who you are.

Unlike Eros, Philia is guided by our mind, making decisions after careful consideration of the needs of both parties in the relationship. This love is about deep mutual respect, understanding, and the balance between give and take.

Fostering Philia

To nurture Philia in your relationships:

Invest time in deep, meaningful conversations with your friends.
Be consistent and reliable, showing up for your friends when they need you most.
Show loyalty and trustworthiness, allowing your friends to confide in you.

3. Storge: The Bond of Family

Storge is the Greek term for familial love. It signifies the deep affection that is born out of dependability, familiarity, and similarity. This type of love is often seen between parents and children or even among siblings.

Storge love is unconditional, accepting, and forgiving. It’s the love that doesn’t need constant validation and doesn’t change based on circumstances. This is the root of the maxim, “Blood is thicker than water.” This love is driven by our memories that are tied to people we are closely related to or have a deep affection for. We also have this kind of love for our pets or the nature that surrounds us.

Cultivating Storge

To foster Storge in your life:

Prioritize spending quality time with your family, pets, and nature.
Show love and appreciation for your family members regularly.
Be forgiving and understanding during disagreements or conflicts.

4. Agape: Universal Love

Agape is the highest form of love. It is selfless, spiritual, and universal. It’s the love that accepts, forgives, and believes in our greater good. Agape is an unconditional love, independent of circumstances. It’s about loving everyone, even those who are difficult to love, without any expectation of reciprocation.

Our spirit is the catalyst for Agape love, driving us to love others in a selfless manner. This love is not about a physical act or being emotionally in love. It’s about a higher form of love that transcends all others. Most of us just have fleeting moments of this love, if at all. You will know when you are in the presence of someone who lives in this space, your heart will open.

Promoting Agape

To cultivate Agape in your life:

Practice acts of kindness without expecting anything in return.
Volunteer your time and resources for charitable causes.
Develop empathy and understanding for others, regardless of their circumstances.

5. Ludus: The Playful Dance

Ludus represents the playful, uncommitted love that occurs in the early stages of a relationship, characterized by flirtation, teasing, and light-hearted fun. This type of love is the stage where you are not in deep love yet, but you’re enjoying the process of getting to know each other.

The playful interactions that occur in Ludus love are driven by our emotions. This love is about excitement, surprise, and the anticipation of what will happen next—the anticipation of romance for many.

Encouraging Ludus

To encourage Ludus in your relationships:

Engage in playful activities and adventures with your partner.
Keep the mood light and fun, focusing on creating memorable experiences.
Make time for spontaneous dates and surprises in your relationship.

6. Pragma: Love That Endures

Pragma is the enduring love that develops between long-term couples. It’s about making compromises, showing patience, and tolerance to make the relationship work. Pragma is the mature, realistic love that is not only about feeling good but also about doing what is best for the other person. Pragma happens when two people work on their relationship after the romance fades away.

This love requires effort from both parties and a willingness to negotiate and make compromises. The catalyst for Pragma love is our subconscious, driving us towards commitment and shared goals.

Building Pragma

To build Pragma in your relationship:

Show patience and understanding during disagreements.
Make compromises for the good of the relationship.
Continually work on strengthening your bond and deepening your understanding of each other.

7. Philautia: Nurturing Self-Love

Philautia is the love we give to ourselves. It’s about recognizing your self-worth and taking care of your own needs. This is not a narcissistic, self-obsessed kind of love. It’s about treating yourself with the same compassion and care that you would treat others.

The catalyst for Philautia love is the soul. It’s about acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being and understanding that you need to love yourself before you can love others. Care of yourself is the care of your soul.

Embracing Philautia

To embrace Philautia in your life:

Prioritize self-care and ensure your needs are being met.
Practice self-compassion and forgiveness.
Spend time alone to understand and appreciate yourself.

8. Mania: Obsessive Love

Mania represents an obsessive or possessive love, a type of love that can lead to great highs and devastating lows. This love can create a sense of possessiveness and dependency that can easily lead to turmoil and anxiety in the relationship.

The survival instinct is the catalyst for Mania love, driving the person to feel an intense need for their partner. This love is often unbalanced and can become destructive if not kept in check. This love fuels those that feel jilted or unseen and take out their anger on those they ‘love.’

Balancing Mania

To balance Mania in your relationships:

Cultivate a strong sense of self and independence.
Communicate openly about your feelings and insecurities.
Seek professional help if your love becomes obsessive or controlling.

Final Thoughts: Finding Your Perfect Love Blend

Each love type has a different catalyst and a unique love language, and understanding these can help you navigate the labyrinth of love more effectively. It is through understanding these different types of love and recognizing them in our relationships that we can enjoy a richer, deeper, and more fulfilling love life.

Whether it’s Eros, Philia, Storge, Agape, Ludus, Pragma, Philautia, or Mania, every form of love has its own charm and significance. We often get ourselves in trouble attracted to someone looking for one kind of love, and they are looking for another. Explore each one and find your perfect love blend, then find the right connection for you! Because at the end of the day, love is indeed a many-splendored thing!

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
Lao Tzu

*Authors Note: Greek love has been identified by eight or seven types—and even sometimes four.

Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the calming meditations on the Breathe page. Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places? Share your thoughts by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is essential and valued.

Until next time, stay well out there and say yes to more love in your life.

With love, Gael

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho

Greek men discuss types of love — Image created by Author

The Authentic You: The Thrilling Journey of Self-Discovery

July 2, 2023 / Gael MacLean

Image by Reimund Bertrams from Pixabay

The greatest adventure you can embark on is the journey within yourself. Discovering your true essence is a transformative experience.

Welcome to the marvelous odyssey of life, where the most profound adventure lies within the depths of our own being. However, many of us meander through existence without truly comprehending who we are at our core. We may find ourselves trapped within the confines of an inner critic, which distorts our perception of self. It’s time to shatter those barriers, shed the layers that no longer serve us, and embark on the exhilarating journey of self-discovery.

The Power of Self-Awareness

Whether you find yourself in the boardroom of a bustling corporation or nestled in your personal meditation sanctuary, self-awareness reigns supreme as a critical catalyst for personal and professional growth. Research unequivocally demonstrates that individuals who possess a clear understanding of themselves exude confidence, tap into their creativity, and make effective decisions. Moreover, they foster stronger relationships, communicate with ease, and are less inclined to engage in deceitful behavior.

In the corporate realm, leaders with heightened self-awareness tend to cultivate a more satisfied workforce, thereby steering their companies toward greater profitability. Yet, genuine self-awareness remains a rare gem, with a mere 10%-15% of individuals genuinely meeting the criteria.

Decoding Self-Awareness: The Intricacies of the Internal and External Dimensions

Self-awareness manifests in two primary dimensions: internal self-awareness and external self-awareness. Internal self-awareness encompasses our ability to recognize our values, passions, and reactions. This facet is intimately intertwined with elevated job satisfaction, personal empowerment, happiness, and reduced levels of stress and depression.

On the flip side, external self-awareness revolves around comprehending how others perceive us. Leaders who grasp how they are perceived often exhibit exceptional empathy and possess a remarkable ability to take on different perspectives. Consequently, they foster healthier relationships with their employees, thereby fueling heightened job satisfaction and overall effectiveness.

While it might appear that excelling in one dimension would naturally lead to proficiency in the other, research paints a different picture. Astonishingly, there exists a virtually nonexistent correlation between these two dimensions. Hence, to truly embody self-awareness, leaders must cultivate both internal and external facets of their awareness.

The Influence of Experience and Power on Self-Awareness

Contrary to popular belief, experience, and power can occasionally hinder our journey toward self-awareness. Studies have indicated that seasoned managers often overestimate their leadership effectiveness. Likewise, leaders wielding substantial power are more susceptible to overestimating their skills and capabilities.

Leaders at higher hierarchical levels, when compared to their lower-level counterparts, frequently overvalue their proficiencies. This trend permeates almost all measured competencies, including emotional self-awareness and leadership performance.

However, this need not be an inescapable fate. The most accomplished leaders combat this tendency by actively seeking critical feedback on a regular basis. This practice not only sharpens their self-awareness but also enhances their effectiveness in the eyes of others.

Introspection: A Double-Edged Sword

Introspection, the profound act of delving into our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, is often hailed as a valuable tool for fostering self-awareness. However, research illuminates that introspection does not always yield heightened self-awareness and can occasionally spiral into unproductive rumination.

The crux of the issue lies in the questions we pose to ourselves. The ubiquitous introspective question of “why?” often dominates our inner dialogues. We find ourselves pondering, “Why do I feel this way?” or “Why did I react in that manner?” While such inquiries may appear helpful, they often lead us astray, spawning answers that may feel true but are often misleading.

Instead of fixating on “why,” it proves more advantageous to explore the realm of “what” questions. Framing our inquiries around “what” enables us to maintain objectivity, adopt a future-oriented mindset, and empower us to take action based on newfound insights. It steers us away from getting mired in the problems of the past, propelling us toward practical solutions.

The Daily Ritual of Self-Connection

To embark on a profound journey of self-discovery, we must cultivate a daily ritual of self-connection. Here, we present six practices that will facilitate this transformative process:

Daily Self Check-In

Dedicate a few moments each morning to check in with yourself. Observe the sensations in your body, acknowledge your emotions, notice the focus of your mind, and gauge your overall mood. This practice will imbue your day with a profound sense of self-awareness right from the start.

Attentiveness to Your Feelings

Pay heed to your emotions, especially those that trigger intense responses. Often, these emotions act as messengers, unveiling the unconscious beliefs that hold you back. When faced with strong emotions, approach them with a spirit of curiosity and uncover the deeper convictions from which they stem.

Follow Your Energy

Take note of what invigorates and drains your energy. Your energy levels often serve as a compass, guiding you toward the right path. Utilize your energy as an internal guide to inform your decisions and shape your actions.

Decipher the Language of Your Body

Your body possesses a unique wisdom of its own. Attend to the signals it sends you. Regularly tune in to understand its needs and its responses to different situations.

Embrace the Art of Being

Dedicate a few minutes each day to simply be. In our fast-paced world, this practice may appear counterintuitive, but it proves vital for nurturing self-awareness. Allow yourself the space to connect deeply with your inner self.

Capture Your Dreams in Writing

Dreams offer direct communication from our deepest selves. By attentively observing and recording your dreams, you unlock insights, find answers, and navigate your personal journey with newfound wisdom.

Final Thoughts

Embarking on the path to discovering your authentic self entails a profound and ongoing expedition into self-awareness. It necessitates striking a delicate balance between internal and external perspectives, remaining cognizant of the potential pitfalls of power and experience, and questioning the validity of our introspections.

Undoubtedly, this journey poses challenges, but the rewards are immeasurable. A deeper understanding of oneself fuels heightened confidence, unlocks wellsprings of creativity, and sharpens decision-making skills. Embrace this extraordinary expedition and welcome your authentic self with open arms. The path to self-discovery awaits, ready to reveal its transformative wonders.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
Oscar Wilde

Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the calming meditations on the Breathe page. Above all, share any comments about your path to discovering your authentic self by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is essential and valued.

Until next time, stay well out there and enjoy your journey. It’s never long enough.

With love, Gael

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho

Whispers of Destiny: Harmonizing with Your Life’s Purpose

May 30, 2023 / Gael MacLean

The musical score to your life's purpose with violin. — Image by JL G from Pixabay

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”
Pablo Picasso

In the vast symphony of life, each of us possesses a unique melody, a calling that resonates deep within our souls. This ethereal melody carries the whispers of our destiny, beckoning us to uncover and embrace our life’s purpose. Just like a conductor guiding an orchestra, it is up to us to listen attentively, harmonize our inner song, and embark on a transformative quest toward fulfillment.

I. The Rhythm of Self-Exploration

To begin this melodious journey, we must first attune ourselves to the rhythm of self-exploration. Imagine a garden blooming with countless vibrant flowers, each representing a facet of your being. Delve into the rich soil of your passions, curiosities, and experiences. Nurture your desires and allow them to bloom, for within them lies the essence of your purpose.

II. The Melodies of Reflection

As the sun sets and the stars illuminate the night sky, find solace in introspection. Like a moonlit lake, still and serene, reflect upon the moments that have stirred your heart and ignited your spirit. These reflections are like gentle ripples that unveil the hidden depths of your being, guiding you toward your true path.

III. The Harmonies of Alignment

In this grand symphony of existence, aligning your actions and beliefs with your purpose is akin to finding the perfect harmony. Like a skilled composer, seek resonance between your core values, talents, and aspirations. Allow them to intertwine and create a beautiful symphony that reverberates through every aspect of your life.

IV. The Crescendo of Passion

Passion is the fuel that ignites the fire within, propelling us forward with unwavering determination. Just as a flame dances in the darkness, let your passion illuminate your path. Explore the depths of your heart, for within it lies the key to unlocking the reservoir of enthusiasm and inspiration that will carry you toward the fulfillment of your calling.

V. The Serenade of Courage

Embracing your calling requires an unwavering dose of courage. Like a bird soaring high in the vast expanse of the sky, spread your wings and dare to defy the limitations that hold you back. Take to your heart, the unknown, with open arms, for it is within the realm of uncertainty that true growth and self-discovery flourish.

VI. The Symphony of Connection

As the melodies of purpose resound within your being, remember that you are not alone in this symphony. Reach out and create harmonious connections with kindred spirits who share similar quests. Collaborate, share your stories, and find inspiration in the collective cadence of those who walk alongside you. Together, you can create a symphony of change and make a meaningful impact on the world.

VII. The Overture of Fulfillment

As the symphony nears its grand finale, you will witness the culmination of your efforts. The harmonious alignment of your calling, passions, and actions will usher in a sense of profound fulfillment. Like a radiant sunrise painting the sky with vibrant hues, bask in the joy of living a purpose-driven life and let its warmth illuminate the world around you.

Welcome your calling with open arms, for within the depths of your soul lies a symphony waiting to be conducted. Uncover the melodies of your purpose, harmonize your passions, and embark on this extraordinary journey of self-discovery. With courage, reflection, and alignment, you will find the crescendo of fulfillment that accompanies embracing your calling.

VIII. The Dance of Resilience

As you journey along the path of purpose, there will be moments when the winds blow fiercely, and the road becomes arduous. In these moments, remember the dance of resilience. Just like a graceful dancer who perseveres through every stumble, gather your strength and rise above adversity. Accept the challenges as opportunities for growth, for they shape your character and fortify your determination.

IX. The Tapestry of Impact

As your purpose unfolds, recognize the intricate threads that weave the tapestry of your impact. Every action, no matter how small, has the power to create ripples of change. Like a weaver crafting a masterpiece, let your choices and endeavors contribute to a greater tapestry of love, compassion, and transformation. Your purpose is not confined to your own journey; it has the potential to touch the lives of others and leave an indelible mark on the world.

X. The Symphony of Gratitude

In the symphony of life, gratitude is the melodic refrain that permeates every note. Like a gentle rain shower that nurtures the earth, cultivate a heart filled with gratitude for the blessings that accompany your purposeful path. Express appreciation for the lessons learned, the connections forged, and the moments of profound beauty that enrich your journey. Gratitude will open your eyes to the abundance that surrounds you and amplify the joy of living your purpose.

XI. The Ode to Self-Compassion

Amidst the pursuit of your life’s purpose, remember the importance of self-compassion. Like a tender lullaby that soothes a weary soul, be gentle and kind to yourself. Caress your imperfections and acknowledge that the journey is not always linear. Grant yourself the grace to make mistakes, learn, and grow. In nurturing self-compassion, you cultivate a fertile ground for your purpose to blossom.

XII. The Sustaining Melodies

As you immerse yourself in the symphony of purpose, take moments to nourish and replenish your spirit. Just as a musician rests between movements, find solace in self-care, reflection, and rejuvenation. Seek the balance that allows you to sustain the melodies of your purpose over the long term. By caring for yourself, you ensure that your passion and dedication endure, enabling you to make a lasting impact.

In the grand symphony of life, embracing your calling and fulfilling your life’s purpose is an extraordinary gift. With each step you take, you contribute to the harmony of the world and leave a profound legacy. Dance to the rhythm of self-exploration, reflect upon your melodies, and let the crescendo of passion guide your way. Embrace resilience, gratitude, and self-compassion as faithful companions on this transformative journey.

Now as the final notes of this article resonate within you, remember that your purpose awaits. Listen closely to the whispers of your heart, follow the symphony of your soul, and enfold your calling into open arms. The world is waiting for the melody only you can play.

More to Contemplate:

1. How long does it take to find your life’s purpose?

Finding your life’s purpose is a deeply personal and transformative journey. It’s not a destination to be reached hastily but rather an ever-unfolding exploration that requires patience and self-discovery. Imagine your purpose as a delicate seed planted in the fertile soil of your soul. Like a nurturing gardener, tend to it with care and watch as it gradually takes root and grows. The timeline for discovering your purpose varies for each person, as it is influenced by unique experiences, personal growth, and moments of revelation. Relish the journey, allowing the seed of your purpose to sprout and bloom at its own divine pace.

2. What if my interests and passions change over time?

Just as the seasons change and the landscapes transform, it is natural for your interests and passions to evolve throughout your life. Embrace this dance of change and see it as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Your shifting interests and passions are like the brushstrokes on the canvas of your purpose. They add depth and richness to your journey, revealing new dimensions of who you are and what truly ignites your soul. Welcome the ebb and flow of your passions, allowing them to guide you toward the ever-unfolding tapestry of your purpose.

3. Can everyone find a clear calling or purpose?

Within the vast symphony of humanity, each individual possesses a unique calling or purpose waiting to be discovered. However, the path toward finding clarity may differ for each person. Some may hear their calling as a crystal-clear melody, while others may discern it through a series of subtle whispers. Remember that your purpose is as unique as your fingerprints, and it may take time to unveil its full clarity. Stay with your journey of exploration, knowing that even the winding paths and uncertain moments are essential in shaping your understanding and connection with your calling. Trust that your purpose is intricately woven into the fabric of your being, awaiting your discovery with open arms.

4. What if I’m unsure about my strengths and talents?

Uncertainty about your strengths and talents is an invitation for self-exploration and growth. Consider it a blank canvas upon which you have the freedom to paint your unique expression. Like a hidden gem waiting to be unearthed, your strengths and talents may reveal themselves through curiosity, experimentation, and introspection. Engage in activities that resonate with your soul, and observe where your natural abilities shine brightest. Seek feedback from others who recognize your unique gifts. Remember, the journey to discovering your strengths and talents is an ongoing process of self-discovery, and each step you take brings you closer to uncovering your authentic self.

5. Is it normal to feel lost or uncertain during the process?

The path to finding and fulfilling your life’s purpose is often accompanied by moments of feeling lost or uncertain. Like a wanderer exploring uncharted territory, you may encounter crossroads and unexpected detours. Accept completely these moments as catalysts for self-reflection and growth. Allow yourself to pause, breathe, and listen to the whispers of your intuition. Just as a compass guides a traveler through unfamiliar landscapes, your inner wisdom will provide the guidance you seek. Trust in the process and have faith that even in the midst of uncertainty, you are on the verge of discovering the profound beauty and clarity that awaits you.

Ultimately, your own journey, with much introspection, will guide you toward discovering your unique life purpose.

The musical score to your life's purpose with piano. — Image by No-longer-here from Pixabay

Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the calming meditations on the Breathe page. Above all, share any comments about your path to discovering your life’s purpose by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is essential and valued.

Until next time, stay well out there and sing your life’s song with joy.

With love, Gael

PS. Check out my new children’s story on Medium. If you enjoy reading articles from writers worldwide, you can join with my referral link at the end of the story. This one was written for my grand-niece. Enjoy!

Rylee and Galaxy’s Galactic Adventure

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho

Beyond Belief: Understanding the Essence of Religion vs Spirituality

May 9, 2023 / Gael MacLean

the study of religion and spirituality — Image by Vinson Tan ( 楊祖武 ) from Pixabay

“Tolerance implies a respect for another person, not because they are wrong or even because they are right, but because they are human.”
John Cogley

It’s natural for us to have a sense of wonder about the world and our role in it. For ages, humans have been on a quest to uncover answers to life’s biggest questions – what does it all mean, why are we here, and what happens after we die? Some have found solace in religion or spirituality, while others have turned to both. But what exactly do these terms mean, and can they coexist?

This article delves into the core of religion and spirituality, highlights their similarities and differences, and shows how they can work together to provide fulfillment and purpose.

Defining Religion and Spirituality

Religion comprises a systematic arrangement of beliefs, principles, and ethics linked to a specific faith or group. It usually entails a structured foundation, including a leadership hierarchy, a series of traditions and customs, and a set of fundamental convictions and principles that establish the borders of the religion.

Religion commonly provides definite solutions to life’s most significant inquiries, such as the identity of the divine, the rationale of being, and what comes after death. Additionally, religion can furnish adherents with a moral code and a feeling of togetherness. Religion has played a vital role in shaping societies and cultures worldwide. It has been a source of comfort, guidance, and support for millions of people throughout history.

In contrast to religion, spirituality is a dynamic and personalized concept that centers on discovering inner purpose and meaning. It is a voyage of self-exploration and evolution and isn’t restricted to any particular religion or belief system.

Spirituality involves techniques like meditation, mindfulness, and thoughtful contemplation, and it is concentrated on cultivating a stronger connection with oneself, others, and the environment. Instead of conforming to established doctrines and traditions, spirituality motivates individuals to investigate their own internal experiences, exploring and discovering their own spiritual journey!

Religion vs. Spirituality: What’s the Difference?

The distinction between religion and spirituality is seen in their respective structures. Religion is typically more structured and involves connecting with a group and obeying specific regulations and observances, whereas spirituality concentrates on the development of the self and inner wisdom.

Furthermore, religion tends to concentrate on the afterlife, while spirituality is geared more toward finding joy and value in this life. Religion places significant emphasis on worshipping a higher power such as God, Allah, or Krishna, while spirituality generally centers on the inner experience of the divine and may not necessarily require a belief in a deity.

Is One Preferable to the Other?

This is a subjective inquiry since both faith and spirituality can be beneficial in various ways. Religion can offer a feeling of community, support, and a code of ethics for living well. Spirituality can create internal harmony and a connection to something bigger than oneself.

The decision between religion and spirituality eventually boils down to personal preference and individual requirements. Some may find that religion gives the structure and support they need, while others may lean toward the more private and independent attitude of spirituality.

Commonalities Among Religious and Spiritual Paths

Despite their disparities, religion and spirituality have many features in common. No matter the spiritual journey, all share the mission to help people find fulfillment in life. Both are about searching for purpose and understanding in life and understanding the presence of something beyond the individual.

Practices such as prayer, meditation, and introspection are shared among the different paths. A further similarity is the faith in life after death. While different religions and spiritual systems have various views of the afterlife, the notion of something existing after this life is a common thread that is present in many spiritual and religious practices.

Differences Between Religious and Spiritual Paths

Beliefs surrounding the afterlife differentiate them; for instance, Christianity and Islam have a heaven and hell, while Hinduism believes in reincarnation, in which the soul passes from one life to the next. And Buddhism is unique in its teachings of the cycle of birth and death.

All faiths follow their own path with distinct rituals and customs. Christians engage in baptism and communion, whereas Buddhists practice meditation and mindfulness. Such diversity among the paths provides something for everyone. Each faith has its own rituals that are unique to its tradition.

Belief in an Afterlife: Where Religion and Spirituality Meet

Many religions and spiritualities believe that something exists beyond this life. Although varying from tradition to tradition, the concept of an afterlife is often seen as a commonality between paths. This belief is found to be comforting and provides hope for those who believe in it.

It can also give an understanding of death and life’s purpose. Whether it be in the form of heaven, reincarnation, or something else entirely, the idea of lasting beyond this life has been a source of inspiration for people across different cultures over many centuries.

Secular vs. Non-Secular

When we say something is secular, it means it’s not linked to any religion or religious group. While non-secular describes something that is associated with a particular religion or religious institution.

Making a decision between a secular or non-secular lifestyle requires self-examination of one’s values and needs. Secularism keeps religion isolated from government and other entities, while a non-secular life merges faith and traditions with the social structure and the interconnectivity of people and groups.

The choice is ultimately up to the person; however, a secular life could bring more autonomy and acceptance. And a non-secular approach may focus more on traditional views and help create a sense of unity. No matter the option, it is imperative to show respect for those with differing beliefs and backgrounds.

Spiritual vs. Agnostic

Spirituality is thought of as the concept that something greater than our physical realm exists. Individuals who practice spirituality often engage in activities beyond our physical world. In contrast, agnosticism takes the position that it is impossible to establish whether a supreme being exists through scientific means. People who identify as agnostic may not totally reject the idea of spirituality, but they remain unconvinced of the nature of a higher power.

How Religion and Spirituality Can Complement Each Other

Although religion and spirituality are thought of as conflicting, they actually work together in numerous ways. Religion gives individuals a structure for living a virtuous life, as well as community and assistance.

Spirituality, on the other hand, offers inner quietude and a link to something larger than the individual. By joining the two, people can have a path that gives both guidance and self-development.

For instance, someone could go to church on Sundays for the communal experience and support while engaging in meditation and awareness during the week to access their spirituality.

Debunking Myths About Religion and Spirituality

People are hindered from investigating religion and spirituality due to numerous myths and misunderstandings. Many people believe that religion is stringent and inflexible, while spirituality is open and unrestrained. Although there is some validity to this, the truth is more complex.

Religion can offer structure and stability but can also be adjustable to personal needs. Spirituality is liberating and supple, yet certain rules and customs can also guide it.

Another misconception is that religion and spirituality contradict science and rationality. While some people may regard them as incompatible, many religious and spiritual practices accept science and rationale as invaluable means of understanding the universe.

Charting Your Course: Tips for Finding Your Own Path

Exploring various religious and spiritual traditions to find your own unique path. Here are some tips to help you chart your course toward personal fulfillment and connection:

Give yourself some time to reflect on your personal convictions and values. What do you believe in, and what holds significance for you?
Delve into various religious and spiritual traditions to see which ones resonate with you on a deeper level.
Immerse yourself in religious gatherings and spiritual retreats to gain a richer understanding of different customs and practices.
Engage in solitary practices such as meditation, mindfulness, or other spiritual rituals to deepen your connection with your inner self and spirituality.
Connect with like-minded individuals who share your beliefs and values through religious or spiritual networks.

Remember, the journey toward discovering your own path is a deeply personal one, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to do it. Allow yourself to be open and curious, and don’t be afraid to explore new ideas and experiences. With these tips, you can begin your exploration with confidence and excitement and discover a path that truly resonates with your soul.

Just the Facts Ma’am

Can you practice spirituality without being religious?

Yes, spirituality is a private quest that is not affiliated with any single religion or ideology.

Can someone be religious but not spiritual?

Yes, some people might attend religious rites without having a greater spiritual connection or significance.

Is one more advantageous than the other?

No, both religion and spirituality could provide individuals with a sense of purpose, meaning, and connection. The decision between the two is a personal one based on individual convictions, principles, and encounters.

Is there a way for religion and spirituality to coexist?

Absolutely, many individuals discover significance and purpose through both organized religion and particular spiritual practices.

Do all religious faiths have the same beliefs and rituals?

No, different religions have different values, customs, and structures. Nevertheless, many religions share similar fundamental principles and convictions, such as benevolence, love, and a link to the divine.

Final Thoughts

As humans, we seek to make a connection beyond ourselves. Searching for our identity and what to make of our lives is an ongoing quest. Our goal is to comprehend and learn from any teachings and ultimately integrate them into our daily lives for personal growth and a more meaningful life.

The more you know about your own spiritual beliefs as well as those of others, the more empowered you will feel to make the right choices in your own life, and the greater will be your connection to your world and to all people. Regardless of your choice, the key is to embark on your journey with an open mind and heart.

“Tolerance and compassion are qualities of fearless people.”
Paulo Coelho

At the core of all belief systems are Respect and Tolerance!

Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the new mindfulness videos on the Breathe page. Share any comments about your beliefs and practices by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is important and valued.

Until next time, stay well out there and remember the old saying, “Appreciate the similarities and respect the differences.” With love, Gael

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho

Let’s Talk About Weight Shaming: What It Is and Why It Needs to Stop

April 18, 2023 / Gael MacLean

Bullying of an overweight woman depicted in a 1942 advertisement for a dietary supplement. — See page for author, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.”
Sophia Bush

As a society, we have made significant progress in recent years in the fight against discrimination and prejudice. However, weight shaming is still a prevalent issue that affects many individuals. Weight shaming can have a serious impact on a person’s self-esteem and mental health, and it’s time we start talking about it. In this article, I will define weight shaming, discuss its impact on overweight people, explore cultural aspects of weight shaming, and suggest ways we can change our patterns of thinking around this issue.

What is Weight Shaming?

Weight shaming is the act of discriminating against or ridiculing someone based on their weight. It can take many forms, such as name-calling, exclusion, and negative comments about a person’s appearance. Weight shaming occurs in various settings, including schools, workplaces, and medical facilities, perpetrated by individuals or groups.

For example, a person may be called “fat” or “lazy” by their peers or coworkers. Or excluded from social events or job opportunities because of their weight. A doctor may make negative comments about a patient’s weight or assume that all health problems are related to their weight without conducting a thorough examination. These examples all demonstrate the harmful effects of weight shaming.

How Weight Shaming Impacts Overweight People

Weight shaming can have a severe impact on a person’s mental and physical health. The shame and guilt associated with weight shaming can lead to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Overweight individuals may feel unworthy, embarrassed, or ashamed, and may develop unhealthy coping mechanisms such as binge eating or substance abuse.

Additionally, weight shaming can lead to weight gain and other health problems. Research shows that individuals who experience weight shaming are more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors such as emotional eating, decreased physical activity, and avoidance of medical care, all of which can contribute to weight gain and other health problems.

Debunking the Myths About Body Weight and Appearance Ideals

Body Positive Black Woman defies weight shaming — Photo by Jennifer Enujiugha from Pexels

There are many myths surrounding body weight and appearance ideals that contribute to poor body image. One of the most significant is the idea that extra weight is always unhealthy. While obesity is associated with several health risks, including heart disease and diabetes, research shows that there are many other factors that contribute to overall health, including genetics and lifestyle factors. They have now debunked the myth of BMI. It’s not an accurate measure of a person’s health and does not account for the many variables that make up our body types.

Additionally, the oppressive nature of appearance ideals perpetuated by the media and society leads to the exploitation and furthering of myths about poor body image for monetization. These myths are used to sell products, including diet pills, weight loss supplements, and other beauty products, which are not always effective or safe.

Another common myth is that exercise is the #1 key to good health. While exercise is essential for overall health, it’s imperative to recognize that there are many other factors that contribute to well-being, including nutrition, sleep, and stress management. Focusing solely on exercise and neglecting other areas of self-care can lead to burnout and further exacerbate body image concerns.

Dieting is often touted as a way to achieve the “perfect” body, but research shows that it can actually make people fatter. This is because restrictive diets can lead to binge eating and weight cycling, which can negatively impact physical and mental health in the long run. And unless you commit to staying on that particular diet for the rest of your life you will put the weight you lost and more back on as your body has been in starvation mode and will stockpile calories when it can.

Cultural Aspects of Weight Shaming

Weight shaming is often rooted in cultural attitudes toward weight and body image. In Western societies, thinness is often equated with beauty and success, while larger bodies are stigmatized. This stigma can be seen in media portrayals of overweight individuals, where they are often depicted as lazy, unattractive, unhealthy, and dumb.

Furthermore, individuals from marginalized communities, such as those with lower socioeconomic status or those from racial and ethnic minority groups, are more likely to experience weight shaming. This is because these individuals have limited access to healthy food options, safe places to exercise, and medical care, which contributes to weight gain and other health problems.

It’s essential to recognize that there is no one “ideal” body size or shape. Instead, individuals should focus on maintaining a healthy weight that is sustainable for their lifestyle and body type. People are like trees in the forest. How boring it would be if they all looked exactly the same.

The Effects of Weight Shaming on Mental Health

The effects of weight shaming on mental health are well-documented. Studies have found that individuals who experience weight shaming are more likely to develop depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Furthermore, weight shaming can lead to disordered eating and other unhealthy behaviors, which can exacerbate mental health problems.

Research also suggests that weight shaming can lead to social isolation and decreased quality of life. Overweight individuals may feel excluded from social events and may struggle to form meaningful relationships due to shame and negative self-image.

How Do We Change the Patterns of Thinking Around Weight Shaming?

Changing patterns of thinking around weight shaming requires a multi-faceted approach. Education and awareness campaigns can help to dispel myths about weight and body image and promote acceptance and understanding.

Encouraging body positivity and self-acceptance is an effective way to combat weight shaming. It’s important to focus on health, not weight, and to accept all body types as valid and beautiful. Educating others on the harm of weight shaming is also important, whether it’s through sharing personal experiences or using social media to spread awareness.

Furthermore, healthcare providers can play a critical role in reducing weight shaming by adopting a compassionate and non-judgmental approach. Providers can focus on the health and wellness of their patients rather than their weight, and provide resources and support to help patients achieve their health goals.

The Role of Media in Weight Shaming

Media has a significant influence on our attitudes toward weight and body image. Unfortunately, many media portrayals of overweight individuals perpetuate harmful stereotypes and contribute to weight stigma.

However, some media companies have taken steps to promote body positivity and reduce weight shame. For example, some fashion brands have expanded their size offerings to be more inclusive, and some TV shows have featured diverse body types in their programming.

With media and advertising companies playing a role in reducing weight stigma they promote more diverse and inclusive body types through their content. This can help to shift cultural attitudes towards weight and body image and encourage body positivity.

Social media can have a significant impact on an individual’s body image. It is often full of images of idealized bodies, which can lead to body dissatisfaction and a fear of gaining weight. It can also be a source of body-shaming and fat-shaming, which can further damage an individual’s body image.

It’s important to challenge negative self-talk and unrealistic beauty standards. Unfollow social media accounts that advocate harmful messages and replace them with those that embolden body positivity and self-acceptance.

The Importance of Promoting Body Positivity

Body Positive Woman defies weight shaming — Photo by Jade Destiny on Unsplash

Promoting body positivity is crucial in the fight against weight shaming. Body positivity is the idea that all bodies are worthy of love and respect, regardless of size or shape. By advancing body positivity, we can help to reduce weight stigma and endorse acceptance and understanding.

Body positivity can be promoted in various ways, such as through media and advertising campaigns, education and awareness programs, and social media movements. By embracing diverse body types and encouraging acceptance and understanding, we can create a more inclusive and accepting society.

There are several strategies that individuals can use to prevent and decrease body image concerns. One of the most effective is to focus on self-care and self-compassion. This includes practicing self-acceptance, engaging in activities that stimulate physical and emotional well-being, and seeking support from trusted friends and family members.

Finally, speaking up against weight shaming whenever it occurs can help to end the cycle of discrimination. Weight shaming is a form of bullying. Don’t be that bully, even in your own mind. By actively challenging harmful comments and behaviors, we can create a safer and more inclusive environment for everyone.

Resources for Those Who Have Experienced Weight Shaming

If you or someone you know has experienced weight shaming, there are resources available to help. Support groups, therapy, and counseling can provide a safe and supportive space to process emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Advocacy organizations such as the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) and the Association for Size Diversity and Health (ASDAH) can provide resources and support for individuals who have experienced weight shaming.

Final Thoughts: Call to Action to End Weight Shaming

Weight shaming is a harmful and pervasive issue that affects many individuals. It can have severe impacts on mental and physical health and contribute to weight stigma and discrimination. However, by promoting body positivity, educating others, and advocating for change, we can create a more inclusive and accepting society.

By actively challenging this behavior and promoting self-acceptance, we can create a world where everyone feels comfortable and confident in their own skin. Remember, your worth is not determined by your weight. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, no matter what your body looks like.

If you or someone you know has experienced weight shaming you are not alone. And there are resources available to help. Let’s work together to end weight shaming and promote acceptance and understanding of all body types.

“The scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength or love.”
Unknown

Check out this great body-shame animation!

Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! And don’t forget to check out the new mindfulness videos on the Breathe page. Share any comments about weight shaming by clicking ‘Comments’ at the top. Your feedback is important and valued.

Until next time, stay well out there and just say ‘Hello Beautiful’ every time you look in the mirror. With love, Gael

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho

Loneliness in Relationships: Taking Time to Heal the Rift

March 28, 2023 / Gael MacLean

Two geese discussing their relationship rift. — Image by Premek Hajek from Pixabay

Being alone is scary, but not as scary as being alone in a relationship.
Amelia Earhart

Are you Lonely in your Relationship?

No one gets together expecting the relationship to become lonely, but the reality is that it can happen. Loneliness in a relationship can manifest in many different ways. It can look like a lack of emotional connection, a lack of physical intimacy, a lack of communication, or even a lack of joy in the relationship.

You are not alone. Many couples feel disconnected and frustrated as they struggle to find ways to connect with each other. Relationships require a lot of work, and sometimes we forget to focus on ourselves. Taking time for yourself and engaging in solitude practices can help heal feelings of loneliness in your relationship, and bring you closer to your partner. In this article, we’ll discuss what loneliness in a relationship looks like, and the importance of taking time to heal the loneliness in your relationship.

Understanding Loneliness in Relationships

Loneliness in relationships is a complex emotion that can have many different causes. It’s important to understand that feeling lonely doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is failing or that your partner doesn’t care about you. And sometimes, loneliness can be a result of external factors, such as stress at work, financial worries, or health issues. Loneliness in relationships can stem from a variety of factors, including:

Lack of communication
Lack of intimacy
Differences in values or interests
Infidelity
Incompatible personalities
Unresolved conflicts
External stressors, such as work or financial issues

The Consequences of Loneliness in Relationships

Feeling lonely in a relationship can have serious consequences for both partners. It can lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and frustration, and can ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Some of the consequences of loneliness in relationships include:

Depression and anxiety
Poor physical health
Increased risk of substance abuse
Decreased self-esteem and self-worth
Negative impact on children (if applicable)

Taking Time to Heal the Rift

When we enter into a relationship, we bring with us our own personal histories, experiences, and emotional baggage. It’s important to take time to heal from past traumas, heartbreaks, and disappointments before entering into a new relationship. This means taking the time to work through our own issues, seek therapy if necessary, and develop coping mechanisms to help us navigate the challenges of a new relationship.

Taking time to heal also means being honest with ourselves and our partners about our emotional state. It’s critical to communicate openly and honestly about our feelings, fears, and insecurities. This helps build trust and intimacy in your relationship and prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. You must belong to yourself first before you can belong to a relationship.

How Solitude Can Help Build Stronger Relationships

Allowing yourself some time to focus on your personal needs can have a positive impact on your relationship. This time can provide you with a fresh perspective on your relationship, enabling you to better understand your own and your partner’s needs. By concentrating on yourself and your well-being, you can reduce stress and create a calm and loving atmosphere in your relationship. Moreover, this period of self-reflection can help you reestablish a connection with yourself, which can ultimately lead to a reconnection with your partner. It is critical to take the time to care for yourself to create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

Creating Boundaries to Improve Intimacy in Relationships

It’s easy to lose ourselves in our relationship, especially in the early stages when everything is new and exciting. But it’s important to maintain our own identity by creating solid boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship. It’s essential to remember that a healthy relationship involves two individuals who are committed to supporting each other’s personal growth and development. Here are a few strategies for improving intimacy by creating boundaries in your relationship:

Focus On Your Own Needs

To improve your relationship, carve out specific moments each day for yourself. This may involve spending an hour in the morning meditating or reading or taking a stroll or cycling in the evening. Select an activity that you find pleasurable and that allows you to concentrate on yourself. By focusing on our own needs, we become more self-aware and introspective, which enhances our understanding of ourselves and our partners. And taking time for ourselves aids in the development of our unique interests, which can create opportunities for shared experiences with our significant other.

Establish Solid Boundaries With Your Partner

It’s easy to lose ourselves in our relationship, especially in the early stages when everything is new and exciting. However, it’s important to maintain our own identity and passions to keep our relationship healthy. It is crucial to communicate with your partner about the amount of time and personal space you require. This may involve imposing limits on phone conversations or setting rules for spending time together. And make sure that your boundaries are honored. It also helps if both partners have similar expectations. If your partner desires more quality time than you, share your thoughts and reach an agreement. And of equal importance, respecting each other’s need for alone time is vital.

Cultivate Your Own Interests and Hobbies

To ensure overall well-being, it is important to engage in activities that bring you pleasure and happiness. This could include hobbies or activities that were once enjoyed but may have been neglected due to other commitments. It is common to set aside personal interests when entering a new relationship, so it will help to create a list of activities that bring you joy and a sense of connection to yourself. These activities could include things like getting together with friends to explore a museum or art gallery or doing something on your own. It is imperative to set realistic boundaries and ensure that the amount of time spent on personal activities does not negatively impact the needs of one’s partner.

Spend Quality Time Together

In order to stimulate intimacy, couples can devote quality time to one another, such as scheduling a date night, planning a weekend getaway, or simply enjoying each other’s company at home. It is important that the activity is mutually enjoyable, as this fosters a deeper bond and reinforces the relationship.

When it comes to setting boundaries, it’s fundamental to be clear and honest. Try to communicate your needs and feelings in a respectful manner. This will help to make sure that both of your needs are met, creating a stronger bond that will deepen your emotional connection. Always check that both partners are comfortable with the amount of time that each person is taking for themselves.

The Role of Communication in Your Relationship

The key to successful alone time in a relationship is communication. It’s important to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and what you need. Let them know when you need some time to yourself, and make sure that they respect your boundaries. And it’s also important to communicate how you’re feeling when you come back from taking time for yourself. Are you feeling refreshed and recharged? Are you feeling more connected to your partner? Share your feelings with your partner, as this can help to create a healthier and more connected relationship.

Signs That You’re Spending Too Much Time Alone in a Relationship

Taking time for yourself in a relationship is important, but it’s also important to make sure that you’re not spending too much time alone. Here are a few signs that you’re spending too much time alone in your relationship.

Before anything else, it’s important to evaluate your own emotions if you’re sensing a lack of connection with your significant other. If you’re experiencing feelings of detachment and isolation from your partner, it’s possible that you’re spending an excessive amount of time by yourself.

If you experience feelings of being burdened or uneasy, it’s possible that you may be distancing yourself too much from your partner, resulting in feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious while in their company. It’s important to recognize this behavior and address it in order to maintain a healthy relationship.

The third point to consider is when you experience loneliness while you are with your partner. Feeling lonely consistently in your relationship could indicate that you are withdrawing too much from social interaction with your partner and in your life.

Finally, if you’re experiencing a sense of resentment towards your significant other, it could be an indication that you’re spending disproportionate amounts of time in isolation.

Resources for Couples Experiencing Loneliness in Relationship

If you and your partner are feeling lonely in your relationship, there are some resources available to help.

One option for resolving relationship issues is to seek counseling or couples therapy. With the help of a skilled counselor, couples can improve their understanding of each other and address any challenges they may be facing.

Relationship retreats are events that typically last for a weekend and provide couples with an opportunity to spend quality time with each other while also discovering fresh ways to communicate and rekindle their relationship.

Relationship enrichment workshops are similar to retreats but are typically day-long events designed to help couples develop new communication techniques and methods for resolving conflicts.

Finally, there are a variety of digital sources, including books, podcasts, and websites, that offer valuable guidance and suggestions for maintaining a positive and fulfilling relationship.

Bringing It Together

Experiencing feelings of loneliness within a relationship can be scary but it is not necessarily an indication of a failed relationship. It is important to take some time for yourself and engage in solitary activities that can help repair your relationship and bring you closer to your partner. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires finding a balance between personal growth and the partnership.

Being honest and communicating openly about your needs, desires, and boundaries is crucial. If you and your partner are experiencing loneliness, there are resources available to help. By prioritizing our emotional and physical well-being, we become better partners, communicators, and, ultimately, individuals.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

Final Thoughts

Our future articles will delve into the exploration of our negative thought patterns and how we can transform them for our benefit. The series of posts will cover the societal influence on negative body images and understanding the effects of diet culture. Be sure not to miss any of Solitude Reflections and join our email list! Kindly ensure that our email address is saved in your contacts to avoid it being marked as spam. And do not hesitate to share our content with your friends.

Check out the new mindfulness videos on the Breathe page. And share any comments about this post or what you would like to see in future posts on ‘Comments’ at the top. We would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time, stay well out there and enjoy time with your significant other or with yourself. With love, Gael

Written on the Shoshone-Bannock Ancestral Lands in Eastern Idaho